Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
accomplished twins. life is a go
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
