My friends, they love my intelligence
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize