My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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