I feel like abortions should bother me more
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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