Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
