I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
