Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
