Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize