i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
