Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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