i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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