I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
