Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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