I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
