I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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