Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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