absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Success! We fucked roommates!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
