I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
