sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize