youre lurking in front of me
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
