You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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