Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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