i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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