Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
