i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
