I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
