I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Randomize
