Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
