this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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