god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
