Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Randomize
