Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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