Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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