He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
