would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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