i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
