Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
