I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
