he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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