I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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