I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
