Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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