I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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