i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You pole danced in your parka.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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