she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
