Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
