you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
