I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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