Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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