My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
