Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
