I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize