she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
be right there i have to get my cape
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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