I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
