Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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