I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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