Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
