billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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