I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
