yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
