Having a random hookup so left but love u
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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