I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
