dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
