trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize