I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
