Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
