Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
