haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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