nutella sex= disaster
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
