We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
