I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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