I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
