imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
