I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
