Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
