I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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