duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
