I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I CAN MOONWALK!
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
this hospital has no fireball
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
