Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
