he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
