im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
The Olympian is in my bed
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
