Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
