Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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