i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
do herpes really smell.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
