I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
