Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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