Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
