Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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