His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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