Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
