How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
