My friends, they love my intelligence
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
