I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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