you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
