I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
